The hardest part

What you don’t realise is that waiting is the hardest part. I don’t sleep anymore. Not really.

I wait.

Granted its in a bed and at night. It’s dark and quiet. The world has slipped to slumber. But it eludes me nonetheless.

My eyes grow heavy. I can feel them tremble and droop. I can sense my consciousness sap and begin to tumble into the un-consciousness. But this isn’t sleep. Not really.

I wait for the black, the nadir. Then the light and the next day. Or is it a continuation of this day? This long never-ending day?

My writing pauses, but my planning doesn’t. I am committed. I am a warrior of words. My battles stop momentarily, but my war continues unabated. I plan for the next attack of vowels and synonyms while I wait for “sleep.”

The writing is easy. The waiting is the hardest part.

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About eamonntgardiner

Dr. Eamonn T. Gardiner, is a Consulting Historian. He has previously conducted research into links between wartime traumatic-neurosis and evidence of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) amongst veterans of the First World War serving as Auxiliary Policemen, during the Anglo-Irish War 1919-1921. He has written extensively on British central and colonial administrative responses to popular insurgencies. In 2009 he published 'Counterinsurgency and Conflict: Dublin Castle and the Anglo-Irish War (CSP, 2009).' Published papers include; 'The training of the Irish Volunteers, 1913-1916' (The Irish Sword, 2017); 'Scattered, Ambushed and Laid Out: War and Counterinsurgency in the greater Tuam area, 1919-1921' (JOTS, 2015). Research interests include De-Colonialisation/Post-Colonialism; Insurgency, Police/Military Histories; Institutional Histories; Modern Irish/World History; History of Conflict, Protectorates and Peace-Keeping; Hegemony; Old and New Terrorism.
This entry was posted in Conflict, Historian, Historiography, Learning, Memory, Revisionism, Thesis, Writing. Bookmark the permalink.

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