The hardest part

What you don’t realise is that waiting is the hardest part. I don’t sleep anymore. Not really.

I wait.

Granted its in a bed and at night. It’s dark and quiet. The world has slipped to slumber. But it eludes me nonetheless.

My eyes grow heavy. I can feel them tremble and droop. I can sense my consciousness sap and begin to tumble into the un-consciousness. But this isn’t sleep. Not really.

I wait for the black, the nadir. Then the light and the next day. Or is it a continuation of this day? This long never-ending day?

My writing pauses, but my planning doesn’t. I am committed. I am a warrior of words. My battles stop momentarily, but my war continues unabated. I plan for the next attack of vowels and synonyms while I wait for “sleep.”

The writing is easy. The waiting is the hardest part.

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About eamonntgardiner

I am a PhD Student at the National University of Ireland, Galway. I am conducting research into links between wartime traumatic-neurosis and evidence of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder amongst British First World War veterans serving as Auxiliary Policemen in Ireland during the Anglo-Irish War 1919-1921. I have previously conducted research into local Irish Volunteer/Old IRA units in Munster as well as British responses to popular insurgencies in areas they administered. I have previously published a book on the British Counterinsurgency responses to the IV/IRA conflict in Ireland, 1919-1921, entitled 'Dublin Castle and the Anglo-Irish War: Counter Insurgency and Conflict.' I have also published papers on various aspects of that war and also on other insurgencies. I write a regular blog on those and other related matters, which can be read at https://eamonntgardiner.wordpress.com/ My research interests include Feminism and De-Colonialisation/Post-Colonialism, Insurgency, Police and Military Histories, Institutional Histories. Subaltern Studies, International History of the 20th Century, Modern Irish History, Historiography, History of Conflict, Peace Keeping/Enforcement/Protectorates, Spheres of Influence, Hegemonic Theories, Old and New Terrorism.
This entry was posted in Conflict, Historian, Historiography, Learning, Memory, Revisionism, Thesis, Writing. Bookmark the permalink.

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